I Lost My Soulmate. Am I Blind?
Question by Chanel: I lost my soulmate. am I blind?
I’m 17 years old I was dating a 20 year old guy for a year whom I had seen around in high school but ran into at a party and we were instantly attracted to each other. We both drank that night and I went home with him it was the craziest thing I had ever done and I was only 16 at the time. We were inseparable ever since. I went on independent study and got a job at a drug store, he was working at a pizza place. I’d lie and tell my mom I was with a friend and I’d spend 3 to 4 nights every week with him. We both came from broken families. My father was arrested in 2010 for growing his own “pot plantation” and was on the cover of the local newspaper in our small town for 3 days in a row. When my father was arrested with a woman my mom later found out he had been having multiple relationships outside their marriage for years. I was torn…my father always had a temper and abused my mom for years and I felt betrayed that he’d also cheat on her so things never were the same. My home fell apart and my mom became very depressed and stopped looking after me the way she used to. My ex boyfriend on the other hand is one of 6 kids who had a great childhood until his mom who suffered from depression tried to overdose and ended up a vegetable in the hospital for almost 4 years and she passed away this February. He and I felt we had no one and we both longed for a family. At first everything was great between us and we seemed like the happiest couple. Both of our families were happy that we met each other because everyone thought we made each other better. He introduced me to drugs very early in our relationship but I refused to do them with him. He had a medical card and bought about 100 dollars worth of marijuana weekly. Then later he began hanging out with an older guy from work and they began experimenting with harder drugs like ecstasy and cocaine behind my back. We constantly fought about this but eventually I gave in to pressured and did some drugs with him 2 or 3 times. He did everything for me bought me things, drove me to work, helped me get my driver’s permit, drove me to doctors appointments anything I needed. Since I had no type of parental supervision or authority I kind of viewed him as someone to take care of me. I fell in love with him but we kept constantly breaking up over the drug issue. 6 months into our relationship he began doing things like checking my phone and becoming extremely jealous. He didn’t want me to have any friends or any social networks. He began doing little things like hitting me in the arm or punching me on the leg. I always thought it was my fault for disobeying his rules and I began disconnecting myself from everyone socially. He kept telling me he was gonna marry me and we would build a family together 🙁 he was very sweet and sensitive. But things kept getting worse and he started to hit me more and more and it got bad. His family became suspicious after they heard us fighting but I told them there was nothing to worry about. After his mother’s death he lost his job and began treating me worse..he no longer could afford drugs and began going crazy. I gave him money from time to time and did anything to make him happy but he kept abusing me worse and worse. Then he started hitting me for no reason at all 🙁 I had scratches on my face and marks on my ribs and bruises on my arms..He hated himself and he would cry to me and tell me he didn’t know what was wrong with him and begged me to stay and told me I was all he had and other times he’d beg me to leave cause he didnt wanna hurt me anymore, I loved him so much I stayed and tried helping him find a job until one day it was just unbearable and I broke up with him through text. It was our year anniversary and we didnt talk until a week later he called me and told me after reading my text he broke his phone, shaved his head and PLUCKED his eyebrows completely bald. I felt so bad and I was convinced he was mentally unstable. I felt really bad and went to visit him.. His appearance was awful but I still made him feel comfortable and happy. The next day we were on the way to starbucks and got into a small disagreement and he beat me in the car hitting me repeatedly with a closed fist in the back of the head. He drove back home and told me to get my stuff. I went in the house and he began screaming and mumbling things I couldn’t understand and beat me up and dragged me to the point where I couldn’t move then he took off. I called his oldest sister and she picked me up and called my mom. My mom pressed charges on him a month ago and I’m still awaiting trial. I feel extremely heartbroken every day and despite what people say I don’t think he is evil..I think he has experienced alot of pain and I don’t believe he is all there mentally anymore 🙁 My question is can he change? Did I do the right thing? Is there hope for the man I love?
Best answer:
Answer by Mr. 210
let me get this straight, he takes drugs, and beats you? he beat you till the point you can not move? okay, here is some advice that your father should have given you, a man who beats a woman does not love that woman. unfortunately the number one person who murders most women is either a boyfriend, husband, or lover. if you do not run when he starts beating you, you may not get a chance to leave him later!
yes you may love him, but there is a difference between a healthy love and an unhealthy love. sweetheart, that is an unhealthy love. you are worse off for being in a relationship with him. doubt that you are? he introduced you to hard drugs and beat you! he beat you to the point where you could not move! I know I keep coming back to that, but when a guy beats you till you can not move, that is not a warning sign, that is a loud warning fog horn! that horn is saying run, and do not go back, because next time you might not get a chance to run!
the most important thing for him right now is to get help. he needs to get treatment for whatever is wrong with him mentally and his addictions. while he is getting help he does not need to be dating anyone. he needs to be focus 100% on his sobriety and getting better. relationships will only distract him.
meanwhile you need to give up on him. at least you two should never date again. ask yourself honestly, do you think you will ever trust him again? if he gets angry again, will you be afraid that he will hurt you again? if so that is no kind of relationship to be in. and if your answer is no, then odds are you are lying to yourself.
it is a cliche but it is true: your soul mate, your real soul mate, will not hurt you. you will be better off having him in your life. more importantly your soul mate will never put you in the hospital.
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