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Q&A: I Have a Problem That I Just Cannot Deal With Anymore?
Question by rEaDy4cHaNgE: I have a problem that I just cannot deal with anymore?
My older brother used to be a big time alcoholic and did cocaine weekly. When he came home, he was angry, and threatning, and he would curse out my mom and me, and he was just terrible. Finally, we kicked him out and told him to live with his dad. He did and came back 2months later. He got a job and went to school and was clean sober for 2 months straight. Then he started getting his paycheck every friday and now we are back in the same routine. He came home last night, drunk as ever, and spilled food all over the place, fell a million times, cursed my mom and I out, threatened, screamed, everything. I don’t wanna go back to what once happened, what should I do? He wakes up and apologizes but it is just not ok anymore… what should I do? We have tried everything from detox to rehab and it’ll work for a month or so, but then he starts drinking and drugs again. Help please…
Best answer:
Answer by * Pongo *
Set him up to be arrested. Very hard ‘tough love’.
Add your own answer in the comments!
<BR%20/>Tags: Deal, cannot, problem., Just <BR%20/>
This is neither as poll nor a survey.
You need to kick him out again, tell him he’s only welcome when he clean for good!!
I think it is time to try tough love.
this is something he has to want to do for himself , kick him out again i would .
it has 2 come from him…u guys can’t do anything bout it…
i he puts his whole will into it, it’s possible
im not saying its easy..cuz its not
but it takes perseverance…and wanting it so bad
Move out if you are old enough
call the police on him, his actions does not sound safe
kick him out bu call the police first he could get violent
Pray.
Been through this same problem, we had to get my brother to self admit himself to a rehab and it was about a 1-2year programme. he’s now been clean for about 4 or 5 years :]
He needs to go through a treatment program and he NEEDS family to support him throught it, the worst thing you could have done was kick him when he was down!
perhaps you should try alanon or narcanon for you in order to help you deal with your feelings. if he is going to continue to go down the path that he is on and continue to live in your house, you need to take care of you. good luck to you.
He sounds like me in my early twenties . All I can say is through him out . He’ll either sink or swim or just wait he’ll properly calm down a bit when he hits thirty . I did .
you need to take away his supplies of drugs and alchool and kick him out and make him live with his dad, but you should bring him back to rehab and angermanagment classes or a counciler to help him calm down
that sounds awful. i’m so sorry. god can help u better than anyone on here. go 2 him. he’ll fix this up. i’m praying!
i’m suqqestinq that he stays with his father aqain. because if he continues to stay in you quys home, he will probably do the same thinq every niqht. Until it qet’s to the point where you quys have to kick him out, & have him stay on his own.
im no expert but u should get help. drunk people can sometimes do stuff that cannot be replaced! like killing. i cant think of enything but u have to do sth fast!
sounds like my brother and we have been through the ringer with him the only real advice that I can give you is your going to have to show him tough love and keep him away from you. I was told once that if people that are around you physically and mentaly drain you then you should not allow people like that in your life even if its someone you love. My heart goes out to you and your mom because I truely feel your pain. and I wish both of you all the luck and happiness
video tape him while he is drunk and on cocaine then show him, and just tell him how much yall have to go through while he’s like that, if he doesnt stop, show the tape to the police, and get a restraining order against him
p.s. sorry you have to go through that, no one should ever have to go through that
Wow that’s tough! I’m so sorry you are going through this. As hard as it may be,.. maybe jail is the best option for him to open his eyes. I really don’t know what to say to you, hopefully everything works out for the best.
: )
tell him to make his own life, get him out of ur house and make him work, pay his own house…and them he’ll have to deal with real life and he can consider things better.
i’m sorry, i wish i could give you a quick fix for this but unfortunately there is none. i believe your brother will be this way until he realizes he has a major problem. he has to hit his rock bottom, whatever that may be, before he gets the help he needs. hang in there, stay strong.
He will not stop until he is ready to stop. If you keep taking him back in, you are just enabling him to keep on doing it. Kick him out on the street. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. He needs to want to stop and until he hits bottom or has an honest desire to stop, he’s not going to.
video tape him when hes drunk/high, show it to him the next morning when he apologizes, as he is watching the video, place all of his belonging outside on the lawn and tell him politely to leave or you are calling the police.
Its tough love but if you don’t tough love now, you may not get the opportunity later as he might be the next drunk driver that kills someone or himself. Good luck
it’s time your mum and you decided to be cruel.
you need to be ‘cruel to be kind’, kick him out or get the police when he is being threatening,
Both your mum and you will have to be strong as anything you decide to do will hurt you both emotionally.
Be brave and strong.
Good Luck.
Either your mum kicks him out again or you leave. You should not have to live with weekly abuse and degradation.
If your mum cannot be firm with him then you need to take control of your own life.
Your brither is not a baby, he is an adult capable of making choices. While people make it easy for him he will continue with his addictions. In the long run suffering in silence is doing him no favours.
If he gets clean again make him stay clean for longer before accepting him to live with you. It would probably be better for all of you if he just came for meals etc and then went somewhere else to sleep. he would have more incentive to stay clean. His lifestyle is his choice – yours and your mums is yours.
i know it is not easy i have been clean for all most 2yrs and sober next week will be 11months i hate to tell you this but i am sure you know it there is nothing you can do until he accepts he has a problem drugs i could stop on my own but alcohol had beat with out AA i never would have made it i allso think you and your mom should look into ala non it should you understand more what he is going through good look i will keep you in my prayers
Put him out and tell him no more, he can visit when he’s clean other then that don’t come to your home.Or you will have him arrested
Kick the bum out again. You don’t have to put up with any form of abuse, especially from a no good addict. I know he was your brother, but as long as he’s drinking and/or doing drugs, he’s just a waste of air. If you have to, get the cops involved.
as a recovering drug addict, i know that its a very hard choice to make between your sobriety and your drug of choice. For me to quit (8 years clean) I had to hit rock bottom. Your brother can only help himself. If he doesn’t want to quit ,unfortunately he wont. You as a family member should give him an ultimatum. Tough love. But his sobriety is really his decision. Addiction is a disease that affects not only the addict but the family members as well. The family members need support and guidance also. The following link is to alnon. Its like A A but for the addicts family. Good luck with this.
try sending him to a group like AA or something im not sure if they have that in a america or round there but you know what i mean,but note this,he will never come off it unless he wants to come off himself,no body can make him but him-self
i had the same prob in my house(i wasnt the prob lol)
i really know how you must feel
i hope i helped
and good luck
xX
I’m sorry just remember that somewhere within the person your brother has become is the person he used to be….. DETOX and rehab are expensive however there are lots of prescription drugs that he could use to stop him from using anything again…. He needs to get to therapy and couseling because there are other issues that need to be dealt with before he can kick the habit for good. ASSUMING HE WANTS TOO> If he doesn’t he won’t be sucessful and he will continue to suck the life out of your mom and you…..
If you don’t have insurance try contacting a med school near your home…. For instance I live in Chicagoland area so I would contact UIC or Rush. GOOD LUCK